So drunk its hurt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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