Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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