Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
