This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
