There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
