I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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