there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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