Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
