Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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