Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
