i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
