FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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