Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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