oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
