We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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