the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
