I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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