Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
