While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
