Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
