I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
