Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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