dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
