you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
