dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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