she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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