Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize