I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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