Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
