Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
