dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
