it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
