Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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