Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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