Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
