I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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