Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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