wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
