you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
