He asked to "fluff my boner.."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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