I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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