I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
