I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
