End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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