What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
