I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
