I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
