So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
