$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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