I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
PANTIES FOUND
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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