Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
