Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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