break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
