I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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