Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
