New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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