I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
