it's too hot outside to masturbate.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
