i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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