Soap is not a condiment
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
