If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
