Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
