She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
