So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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