So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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