My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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