Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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