he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
