he puts the penis in happiness.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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