we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
