dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
