i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
