I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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