It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
