at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
