No awkward lesbian experiences without me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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